Hello, friends! Time for my second monthly theme post (even if I am a little late)!
My theme for February was, “Rest in Patience and Contentment”. To see my other monthly theme posts, click here.
I read through the journal entries I wrote this month, and after some editing, condensing, and highlighting of key words/phrases, I present to you my journey this month!
From my journal:
2/1: “But maybe in our weaknesses, by Your grace, You are the only One who really saves us from shame and forms us into who You created us to be.”
2/2: “God, help me rest in how true You are and how important truth is.”
2/5: “Help me make the most of each moment. May I use both solitude and time with people for Your glory. Thank You for reminding me that You use small, sinful people to do great works. May I look to You for contentment and patience as I endeavor to abide in hope.”
2/7: “I don’t want to live a ‘safe’ life. I want to live a free one. And I know I don’t deserve it, and I’m truly amazed at how far I’ve come in so long by Your grace, but please help me learn. I know there’s so much out there for Your kingdom.
Please cultivate in me a heart of compassion and reliance on You. You’re the only one who can guide me where I need to be. Truly I have nothing to offer but my life. Who I am. You take it all. I don’t deserve any part in ministry, truly.
Help me believe all of this. Humility is still a major WIP in my life.
I believe You are working.”
2/8: “God, my childhood is fleeting. Help me make the most of all I have left of it, and not worry too much about the future. Every moment is a gift.”
2/9: “Life abundant through You is an amazing gift. I love You, Father. Thank You. Help me to always look to You rather than the false ‘thieves’ of the world that care nothing about me. Your deep, powerful, sacrificial love is unmatched and worth all time and effort.”
2/10: “God, I often see people doing ‘big’ things and feel incompetent – as in both pride and jealousy, I forget that truly what I do isn’t the big picture. You are big. I am not. And I have the gifts I have, big or small, or a reason. Help me be content in that, and to fix my eyes on You instead of myself!
Help me be patient in waiting for You to respond to prayers. You know what is best in every circumstance.”
2/12: “Spending time with the neighbor kids today was a joy. How can I humbly rest in patience and contentment through exercising my calling and loving others right here?”
2/13: “The Holy Spirit is the source of godly peace, truth, and help when I forget Your goodness – and on top of that, it is special because the world can’t hear it. I can see the secret song in life pointing to You and Your promise of return that the world drowns out.
Because of Your grace, I have life and a way to live it to the full. The way. Thank You, Helper.”
2/14: “Without You I wither, shrivel up – thirsty – and burn with the overwhelming blaze of the world’s hatred. Without You I am nothing – with You the world disapproves of me. But when I choose to rest in You, to abide in Your Helper and love like You love, I can bear fruit. “
2/15: “Your peace permeates any tribulation – help me to take courage and spread Your message of hope to those You place in my path, though I am so unworthy of such a task.”
2/16: “Why are there so many blurred lines in the world? Is nothing ever just black and white anymore? Sometimes my head spins. But even so, You are guarding us with Your Spirit and none of us are lost. We’re just finding the way to Your green pastures, day after day.”
2/18: “Night of Worship hit hard tonight. ‘You are not what you have gone through.’ I felt that to my core. When I thought my mind was wandering, it was really begging me to turn back to You and let You hold my hand. You were saying, ‘Darling, don’t let your suffering define you. You are healed, you are whole.’ All that said, I wore my tears like battle scars.
I can rest. I’m going to let You hold my hand, and be content in Your glorious favor.”
2/19: “How often do I get so preoccupied with the nitty-gritty of my situation and Your perceived silence that I miss You staring me down, holding out Your hand, and saying, ‘Follow me.’ I would see You if I only stopped to really see. God, thank you for Your patience.”
2/21: “God, work in my heart that I may be patient in doing good, all for Your glory.”
2/22: “Please help me as I continue to develop patience and forsake pride… It’s crazy how time flies. Help me be content with the now, and surrender the future.”
2/24: “Your love poured over our weaknesses. In what ways do I fail to accept my weaknesses? In what ways do I conflate perfection with obedience? Lead me and teach me, Father.”
2/26: “Lord, this month is a very strange in-between time. Spring is when life-events will really ramp up. But I’ve learned that contentment is often found most sharply in these in-between seasons – of choosing to say ‘no’ to pessimism and cynicism, and ‘yes’ to discovering the beauty in slower seasons when they come.”
2/28: “As not-ready as I feel, I think that with You I can both be patient and content with the now, and ready for the future when it comes… I can’t control my story or my purpose, and that’s okay. I am named a ‘child of the promise’, beloved daughter, member of Your people. Your compassion and mercy have surely been on me, and I thank You for that.
Thank you for a month of calm before the whirlwind. I love You.”
3/1: “Oh, how I often long for Your return. But alas, I am here – and nobody will know the gospel unless we take up the torch and speak it with compassion.
I am so disobedient and contrary. Yet You love me. How amazing is that? How far is the east from the west? Your counsel and plans are unmatched. How GLORIOUS! I choose to fall into grace and accept that today held many failures. But the goal is Your glory, not my image.
Your glory, not my image.
How is it that I so often doubt how God has been working in my heart?
I never think there was a lot of change, or that my theme was very embedded in my life throughout the month, and then I read back on my old entries, and I’m overwhelmed with answered prayers – dotted throughout my days.
One major theme I’ve noticed is the connection between putting on humility and exercising contentment. When we look at ourselves in a right manner and realize just how unworthy we are, we find patience more naturally.
Viewing ourselves in the right manner, choosing consciously to surrender the future and accept the now as it is – a completely undeserved gift – we find so much more contentment in the slow seasons of life. Any feelings of incompetency or overt discontentment come to us when we fail to acknowledge that our works aren’t the big picture.
I’ve learned a lot of things that are tough to put into words. A lot of loose ends in my life are being tied up, so to speak, in this season of preparation. This month was a gift. A precious gift.
I will step into March with fond memories – small, but beautiful – from when I (often impatiently) waited on God in February. I hope these journal excerpts were somewhat of an encouragement to you all. If you made it this far, thank you for tuning in!
This March, I want to hone in on what it means to Fall Into Grace. Grappling with perfectionism and the expectations of the world has long been a struggle of mine. This month I want to dive deeper into how God uses our weaknesses to shame the strong.
I hope you all will join me!
Thank you again for reading, and happy Thursday!